Freedom (Connecting Kerouac, Jay-Z and Climbing)

“When I get older, I will be stronger, they’ll call me freedom, just like a waving flag,”
Wavin’ Flag by K-naan

In high school I never had an answer to the question of what I wanted to be when I grow up. I was from the Midwest, and there wasn’t one adult around that had a career I admired. Like many teenagers I was lost. There was one person though that seemed to have things figured out, an author I stumbled upon from one of my hippie friends, Jack Kerouac, author of “On The Road”.

Kerouac didn’t really do anything groundbreaking in that book; he traveled around with his buddies, chased women, embraced the loneliness of looking deep within, and philosophized on our country. But, the way he wrote about it, the prose, and the passion for living with freedom that stuck with me, and is still with me to this day.

I later found out that Kerouac basically drank himself to death, and didn’t really seem to live out a happy American life in the end. It was a sad thing to learn, but an important life lesson.

When I started traveling around, first following jam bands like Phish and Widespread Panic, I got my taste of Kerouac’s America: long drives on lonesome highways, nights of excitement in the cities, and sharing freedom with friends. My next stage of travelling was with rock climbing; it was much healthier than going to concerts day after day, and the freedom that the climbing life provides, well that’s the stuff great novels are made of.

I chased that freedom all around this country, to the point of having too much freedom. Such abandon from work and responsibility left me feeling lost. Having nothing to do but climb left climbing feeling more and more meaningless.

This is when I really picked up the pen, or in these days, started typing away. I had plenty of experiences to reflect upon, and stories to tell. I had found my career.

Eventually my career led to a full-time job, working mostly as a writer in higher education. I saw freedom slipping away, and wanted it back. With freedom in my rear view mirror I made a U-turn to find it again.

So I’m sitting here as the writer, looking out my window at my little corner of America here in Durango, Colorado, my home for now. I’ve got freedom back, but I’m still at a loss with a master plan of how to keep it. Any adult comes to the realization that money is needed for freedom. So I sit and wonder how to keep the money coming in.

I know what I want to be when I grow up, and I know I want freedom.

Again I’m looking to American literature. This time I’m captivated by another book, “Decoded” by Jay-Z, the great American rapper.

Jay-Z has led an incredible rags-to-riches life, growing up poor in the Marcy Projects in Brookyln, New York to becoming one of the most influential figures in the music industry. He’s been successful, not only as a rapper, but as an entrepreneur.

In “Decoded” he writes about hip hop and his life with such passion that it’s impossible not to get swept up and carried away in the book, what any good book should do. One incredible thing about Jay-Z is that he took what he loved, hip hop, and made himself a millionaire while still staying true to the art. To me Jay-Z embodies the spirit of freedom. Pick up the book for yourself, and once you sink into the paper and become captivated, just try to put it down. The book could also be considered a blueprint for the artist looking to be commercially successful, while remaining independent and respected by one’s peers.

So I realize it’s a big stretch to connect Jack Kerouac and Jay-Z with my search for freedom, but both have given me great gifts through their art. I embrace Kerouac’s spirit and Jay Z’s vision. As I work my way to becoming a famous writer, one who writes about my passion and hopes to become free through it, I think of my heroes that became free, if only for a moment in time, and the poetry and prose that led them to that state of freedom.

Kerouac's "On the Road" and Jay Z's "Decoded" can be purchased through Amazon with the following links below:

[DECODED]Decoded By Jay-Z(Author)Hardcover(Decoded) on 15 Nov-2010

On the Road (Penguin Great Books of the 20th Century)

New Blog from Cliff Cash (check him out)

Wanted to give a shout out to the homey Cliff Cash, and his new blog, "Cash, Money, Big-Bros". Cliff wrote for The Climbing Zine Volume 2, and his work will also appear in The Climbing Zine Volume 3.

(photo of Cliff Cash in Mexico)

He often takes on taboo subjects such as the legalization of marijuana, and well as writing some thrilling fiction pieces.

If you like the blog, be sure to join the list of followers.

Click here for Cliff Cash's blog

The Balance, "With my mind on the moment and the moment on my mind"

After a week in the desert, and a weekend of climbing and partying with friends, I delve back into my creative writing psyche to dig out the cobwebs. I’ve been in this situation before, in fact, this stance of repose is my life now: climbing and having adventures and then reflecting on them through prose.

Spring is upon us, flowers are blooming, the scenery is featuring more greenery, and possibilities are infinite. The routine of winter must be changed, as there is more light, and more hours to enjoy the outdoors. Whatever we want out of life we can dream about in spring.

In any season of life I struggle to find the balance; I think many climbers and other outdoor athletes are the same way, especially those who find their lives consumed by their outdoor pursuits. It is an easy mirage to get caught up in simply dedicating ourselves to these activities and giving less and less to the other facets of life. I lived this life for several years: climbing was what I did, and how I defined myself. The more I obsessed with climbing and it became a singular pursuit, the less I truly enjoyed it.

Then came the full-time job, after years of living the full-on dirtbag life I grew tired of it, and wanted something else. I flipped the switch directly from living out of a tent and climbing all the time, to working full-time and living indoors and all the comforts that come along with that. Eventually I grew as tired of the 9-5 life as I had my endlessly free dirtbag lifestyle.

I learned though, and all lessons in life must be learned through experience. After my recent experiment with the full-time existence I realize there are many benefits of gainful employment. A man can only go so far living day to day in a financial way, and as we get older we have the need for health and dental insurance and savings. If a man wishes to have a family, he must bring home the bacon, as they say.

That said, I don’t have a family yet, and I am in good health. I’m taking the risk of not having insurance and savings, and living as free as I’d ever been. It’s a risk worth taking, in good time.

Recently, I've found myself having an internal debate of what direction I want to head in life. The practical, fiscal side of me tells me to start heading back to security, to a full-time job with benefits, while my free-wheeling spirit says to keep climbing, keep dreaming, life as free as the wind, work only when I completely run out of money. Then there is the voice of experience, it says to find something in the middle, find the balance. Have money but also live in a tent from time to time. Work, but have weeks, even months to ramble, to enjoy the public lands of our country, experience freedom. Realize there is a time and place for everything, and keep my mind on the moment, and the moment on my mind.

More Spring Indian Creek Action

This past weekend was another journey out to Indian Creek. It was much cooler than the previous weekend, and almost ideal temperatures for climbing. It was a bit windy and dusty, though. Anyways here's some shots, mostly scenic, but a few action shots.

The Freedom Mobile with the Disappointment Cliffs in the background.

A horse and a pony grazing out in the Broken Tooth area.

The Reservoir Wall (left) and the Paragon Prow (right).

The Bridger Jack Mesa at sunset.

Alex on Trip to the Vet, Cat Wall.

Climber on the classic Rock Lobster, Broken Tooth Wall.

Lou on the off-width climb, Incisor, Broken Tooth Wall.

Clouds looming over the Fin Wall.

Freedom in front, Broken Tooth Wall in the background.

Below is a link to the Indian Creek guidebook. I'm hooked up through Amazon, so if you buy it from them I get hooked up! word.

Indian Creek: A Climbing Guide

"It's Gettin' Hot in Here" Spring Indian Creek Photo Essay

After many days spent climbing and camping at Indian Creek this winter, the spring has finally arrived. I was there this past weekend with my friends Seth and Adam, and was shocked by the heat. It was almost too hot to climb in the sun at certain times of the day. So spring fever is upon us, here's the best photos I took over the weekend, which included a first free ascent of a new line on the Broken Tooth Wall.

Seth Calkins getting ready for an Unnamed pitch at the Optimator wall. Wish I had a closer up picture of Seth, because he had a sweet "chops" mustache going on.

Calkins on Anunnaki, at the Optimator Wall. This is one of the most aesthetic pitches at The Creek, and supposedly stays dry during a rainstorm, according to the guidebook.

Adam Ferro onsighting Double Bock, at the Optimator Wall.

The message board near the Bridger Jack Campground. Even if you're not waiting for a note, this message board often has entertaining messages like this one. Since there's no cell service at The Creek this board serves as the communication center.

The North Six Shooter, seen from the Creek Pastures campground.

Charlie taking a nap at the Second Meat Wall. The Six Shooters are in the background.

Adam Ferro on the first free ascent of Snaggle Tooth, a route on the far right side of the Broken Tooth Wall. Two Tent Timmy and I put this route up over the winter, and I was psyched to see Adam get the first free lead.

The sunset while driving back after my time in The Creek. Photo taken just outside of Dolores, Colorado. Every time I leave Colorado, no matter how short, I'm always psyched to see the "Welcome to Colorful Colorado" sign, and I immediately feel at home.

Cheers to you and yours getting out there this spring!

Gimps On Ice Photos

This last weekend I was at the "Gimps On Ice" festival down in Ouray, Colorado, which was organized by Paradox Sports. I was covering the event for the Durango Telegraph, and my story will appear in the paper on March 17th. I also plan on writing an additional blog piece, and I'm currently going through pages and pages of notes from various interviews.

The event was the most inspiring thing that I have ever been a part of, and I've had a buzz all day as I reflect on everything.

The words will come, in the meantime here are some photos that I took.

Chad Jukes and his girlfriend Gina Kitchen. Chad is an Iraq war vet and a below the knee amputee. He's also a great guy, and quite the trumpet player. He's the person that introduced me to the Paradox Sports community.

Sydney Tall climbing ice at South Park. Sydney is an above the knee amputee, and wise beyond her 20 years. I randomly met Sydney on a train to Salt Lake City three years ago when I noticed that she was traveling with climbing gear.

Pete Davis tying in. I've known about Pete for over a decade, but this was the first time I've met him. He is currently an ice farmer at the Ouray Ice Park, and lives in Ridgway. Hope to rock climb with this guy some day, as he has an evident pure passion for climbing.

Director of Operations of Paradox Sports, Chad Butrick showing his ever present "psyche". Chad gave a presentation last year at "24 Hours of Gunnison Glory" and is a very likeable energetic guy. Chad even carried some of the participants in on his back during the approach to the climbing area.

Pete Davis climbing some ice!

Stacy Bare is so burly that it takes three men to belay him. Bare is a veteran who is the executive director of Veterans Expeditions, an organization that is part of the American Alpine Club. He told me that climbing saved his life after returning from Iraq and suffering from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.

Chris Folsom and Frank from Ridgway, never did get his last name. They were rigging a pulley system to haul-up a climber who could not hike out of the canyon. Chris is an ice climber who lives in Ouray, and a dedicated volunteer at "Gimps on Ice". He also has his own program called Amped Outdoors, that he runs with his wife Deb. I am grateful to the Folsom's because they let me crash out at their house last weekend.

Chad and friend rocking out at the Ourayle House Brewery, the smallest brewery in Colorado, a one man show. I can't remember the name of the guitar player, but he was a super cool guy.

Timmy O'Neill rocking out the drums. Timmy is the co-founder of Paradox Sports, and a really talented climber and musician. He seems to have boundless energy!

The crew, obviously looking at another photographer, but I showed up just at this moment and decided to take a photo anyways.

Heidi Duce (left) and Sydney Tall. Heidi is also 20 years old, and grew up in Ouray. She currently attends Mesa State College in Grand Junction, and hopes to work in the field of recreational therapy. Her passion for climbing and helping others in the outdoors was very evident.

Austin Bushnell (left) and his buddy Tom Moody. Austin was the rock star of the event, who won everyone's hearts over with his personality and enthusiasm. Tom is a family friend of the Bushnell's.

Austin climbing with the help of Chris Folsom. Folsom helped Austin with every inch, with love and creativity.

Paradox Sports web site:
http://www.paradoxsports.com

Amped Outdoors web site:
http://www.wix.com/thebohnecollector/amped2

Ouray Ice Park web site: http://ourayicepark.com/

Excerpt from "Go West Young Man, In the Freedom Mobile"

Below is an excerpt, with a few photos, from the feature for the upcoming, Climbing Zine Volume 3. The story involves myself and my friend Gene travelling out west to Red Rocks, J-Tree and Yosemite, in my beat up old 1988 Mazda, aka The Freedom Mobile.

The Climbing Zine Volume 3 is set for release sometime this spring. There will be at least one zine release party aka "zine thing" at the Firebrand delicatessen in Gunnison.

Here's the excerpt from some of our experiences in Yosemite:

The alarm went off and I felt tired. Like a true fiend I headed straight inside to get coffee going. The coffee ignited the fire of my determination to finally climb El Capitan, and I felt motivated. Gene made up some grub, and we packed the two large haul bags into the Freedom Mobile.

It was still dark as we drove from Foresta into the Valley. We parked the Freedom Mobile by the El Cap meadow, and made the short approach to the wall. After the coffee wore off I felt tired, and the task of humping our gear to El Cap, while short, was draining. I looked at Gene and he was sweating heavily. Scott, on the other hand, more of a big wall Yosemite veteran, seemed to be in his element, accepting all of these struggles as part of the game.

Since Scott was the aid climbing expert it was agreed he would lead the first block of pitches. He started up, moving quickly, and then commenced to start the hauling of the pigs (the haul bags). They didn’t budge on the slab and Gene had to push them up to get started. At that moment Gene and I knew we were in for some serious suffering and hard work, and we looked at each other. I said, “You know we probably should have done a practice aid wall before jumping on El Cap.” He looked back and agreed, with the ocean of over 3,000 plus feet of towering golden granite above us.

Finally Gene had to jumar up, to assist Scott with the hauling, as they both grunted and struggle to move the haul bags inches. I jumared up as well, and thought about the time that had passed since we’d started the pitch. When we reached the second pitch, well over two hours had passed, and I thought of how daring, expert, big wall Yosemite climbers had speed climbed the entire 3,300 foot route in the time it took us to get up the first 200 feet.

The suffering and turmoil got worse as the morning progressed and turned into the afternoon. There were traversing pitches, where I had to lower out the two haul bags so that Scott and Gene could haul. I’d never done this, and the weight of the bags pulled on me and the anchor, which made me terrified. I was to the point of cursing and complaining already. But, a party was behind us, and a woman was leading up behind me, and there was no way I was about to have a meltdown front of another climber, a female one at that, just a few pitches up on the El Cap.

The woman arrived at my belay as I struggled with the haul bags, clipping into the same bolted anchor I was using. She and her partner were only doing the initial pitches of the climb, and so were equipped with a light free climbing rack, and nothing else; the same style that the speed climbing aces use to run up the wall in a few hours. They looked so free and happy. I was having problems un-weighting the haul bag from the anchor, and the woman helped me get the weight of the bags off the anchor by pushing up on them, so they could be lowered out with the remaining rope. “How far are you all going today?” she asked.

“Uh, I think we need to go back to the drawing board, maybe go do a shorter aid route,” I replied. I was already coming to the realization that Gene and I had a lot to learn about big wall aid climbing before trying to climb El Cap.

At this ledge I thought about style, and hated that we had so much weight and it was such a task to haul all the supplies up. I thought about how we had come all the way out to Yosemite just to suffer like this, because after all even if we did not realize it at the time, we were doing exactly what we’d came to do. To learn to big wall aid climb is to suffer, and then after that suffering the knowledge is attained and the rewards are found.

Finally, Scott and Gene had begun the hauling I started up the pitch. There was a traversing section where I had to lower myself out with the extra rope that was dangling off my harness. I’d never done this before and was terrified. Scott, just forty feet above, was close enough that he could offer a tutorial of how it was done. I finally lowered myself out, and like many climbing procedures, it was not as scary as the initial perception in my head. We were lucky to have Scott on board, and if Mark were there he could have provided beneficial lessons as well. Gene and I had a lot to learn, and luckily we had Scott there to teach.

When I arrived at the belay with Scott and Gene we had an enormous eruption of laughter at our struggle. I couldn’t recall the last time I laughed that hard, and felt a weight off my shoulder as I laughed to the point of tears.

We were at a spot where we could rappel down directly in a short amount of time, so we debated what we were going to do. Scott was game to continue, and I think Gene could have gone either way. I’d made my mind up at the last belay that I wanted to hone my skills some more before climbing The Captain. I expressed this to my friends, and they obliged to retreat. Sometimes admitting failure can be a blow to a climber’s ego, but at that point, I had no ego to be had, I imagined I was the worst aid climber in Yosemite, and didn’t give a damn, which in itself was a relief and a revelation. Freedom is just another word for nuthin’ to lose right?

Retreat was not as easy as we imagined. At that point there were now five of us climbers at the belay ledge, us and the other party. There wasn’t any tension though, as can happen at a crowded belay ledge, especially with failure in the air. We were sitting there trying to figure out how to rappel off with the mighty haul bags the weight of a man. The woman’s partner, a big wall veteran himself originally from Alabama, who’d already been up El Capitan, and all the other walls in Yosemite, advised us to simply lower the bags off as one of us rappelled down and clipped the bag into the next anchor. He was right, it was the most efficient way to do it, rather than having one of us rappel with the bags attached to us, and fumble down the wall. He was hilarious too, as we messed with the bags. At one point Scott had the bags in between his legs, and he joked, “I bet you always wanted to ride a fat chick huh?” in a way that only a Southerner could say. We talked to him more as Scott rappelled down, “Oh man you guys are trying El Cap for your first big wall in Yosemite? That’s ambitious. I did five or six practice walls before getting on this thing. Almost died once of heatstroke on the Leaning Tower, trying to climb it in the summer, we were so stupid…” he went on with his stories. Big wall climbers all have these stories, and more proof in my mind that every big wall climber suffers for every bit of glory attained.

I was feeling glorious and relieved when we finally touched back on the ground. It wasn’t the goal, the goal was to top out on El Cap, three or so days later, but I’d learned some valuable lessons. Gene and I talked it over, and we would take a rest day, repack and then attempt a shorter big wall route.